When I Say Merry Christmas
by Death101- Fox Version
Summary: 'I mean have a bleeping good day' Or In Which Yusuke is banned from the grocery store and speaks to a bench.


**When I Say Merry Christmas**

There was no pleasing the woman, especially when she was pregnant with their first child, Yusuke admitted as he stomped out the doors of the store. Thankfully, he had been able to leave her at home to go Christmas shopping although she had sent him with a list. One look at the list convinced Yusuke he was doomed from the start as no store in their right minds would stock cheeseburger flavoured pizza among other items found on Keiko's list.

Heck, Yusuke didn't even know what Buffalo wings (another weird item) were. Nevertheless, he was happy to be out of the house and away from the mother-to-be and her maids-in-waiting (their mothers). He enjoyed tracking down the easy items such as miso soup and sugar and was pleased to find sushi flavoured candy canes. Sadly, his good mood crashed soon after he brought his items to the cash register.

Feeling unusually bright due to the partial success of his mission, Yusuke grinned and said, "Merry Christmas."

He stared in confusion as the female cashier began to scream, shout, and curse. You'd think he had just announced he was going to destroy the world and then showed a display of his power from the fuss she was making. She continued to shriek long past the point of making a point and the worst part was that Yusuke didn't even have a clue why. It wasn't like the cashier was exactly coherent in her wailing.

Just when Yusuke thought he'd never hear a normal sound again, the cashier closed her mouth. She narrowed her eyes and scrunched up her nose until Yusuke thought her face was going to turn inside-out. She opened her mouth once more and hissed, "Say 'Happy Holidays' from now on, you culturally insensitive **twit**!"

Before Yusuke could say another word, she spun on her heel and stomped her way towards the back of the store, leaving a very confused Yusuke with all his purchases still in his arms waiting to pay for them.

It took thirty seconds for her replacement to arrive and, in his usual way, Yusuke asked for an explanation.

"What's her problem? I just said 'Merry Christmas'."

Unfortunately for Yusuke, all the employees seemed to be cut from the same cloth (or made at the same factory if you wanted a Christmas metaphor). In seconds, Yusuke was treated to the Crazy Rant Returns: Male edition. Although there was less screaming and shouting, there was more subtle hinting that flew over Yusuke's head. Somehow he was able to pay for his items without making a scene himself but by the time the male cashier saw him to the door, Yusuke's holiday cheer had become holiday despair. What was so wrong about saying the words 'Merry Christmas'? You'd think he had just cursed in the foulest manner and Yusuke could actually compare the two experiences so he knew what he was talking about.

He didn't get it and was determined not to dwell on it any longer. At least that was his plan until he spotted the female cashier smoking in an alley and glaring at him in her inside-out way. He considered making a scene and demanding a clearer explanation but then Keiko would be upset. Then again, she'd probably be upset anyways after hearing how he had been chewed out not once but twice and still had no clue why. There was no pleasing the lady.

It was probably best not to force the police to be called, Yusuke decided so he glared at her before starting to walk away. Being mature sucked, Yusuke also decided.

Coming from the opposite direction was a mother and her son. They smiled and waved to Yusuke, filled with the same good cheer Yusuke had minutes ago. The little boy who was still learning Japanese from the sounds of it, babbled out, "Happy Hanukah." The mother repeated the well wishes in better Japanese.

Without thinking, Yusuke waved and replied, "Merry Christmas."

Oops.

He expected the mother to chew into him like the cashier in the alley was about to but the woman just smiled and said to her boy, "See? He says the same thing as Daddy. Not everyone says the same thing but it all means the same." She then wished him a happy new year which Yusuke returned before walking on their way.

Yusuke turned to see the cashier still standing there. With a wide grin on his face, he waved and shouted, "When I said 'Merry Christmas', I meant 'Have a bleeping good day'!" He would have actually cursed but the little boy and his mother were still in earshot. The cashier stared at him causing his grin to widen as he waved once more. "See ya!"

With that, he turned on his heel, placed his thumb against the side of his nose and giving a nod, up he goes. Not really. He adjusted his grip on his purchased and started to walk away. He had walked a few blocks before he paused by a set of empty benches. There was no ghost now but he could remember the fun Christmas he had while he was waiting to return to his body. He hoped she was as happy as Keiko usually was with him. With a softer smile, he patted the empty bench and muttered, "And Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate to you too."

**A/N: Not my best work but this was more of a 'inform people' story than a 'this is for amusement' story. This will serve as a warning to all who deal with me this holiday season. I say 'Merry Christmas' because it is a force of habit. I do not mean Christmas is the only holiday worth recognizing or that it is better than all the rest. When I say 'Merry Christmas' I mean 'Have a good holiday'. Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas.**

**-D101**

**P.S Is this the first Yu Yu Hakusho holiday story of the 2013 holiday season?**


End file.
